


Snoodling the Smooshy Tushum

by Orchidellia



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Crack, Elvhen smooshy tushums, M/M, Minor Hawke, Minor Merrill - Freeform, Minor Varric Tethras, Minor implied Elvhen thighs, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 17:08:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7370374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orchidellia/pseuds/Orchidellia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something is wrong with Anders, and Fenris has no idea what he's saying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snoodling the Smooshy Tushum

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alamerysl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alamerysl/gifts), [Cryllia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cryllia/gifts).



There was something wrong with his mage.

“I want to lick your nibbilynums.”

“Are you alright, mage?” Fenris took a step back, weight on the balls of his feet, ready to run.

Anders cocked his head and gave him puppy eyes. “Can I run my fingers through your floofywoofy wigwam?” He leaned closer. “Then lick your nibbilynums?”

There was movement behind him, and Fenris ignited his lyrium, poised to defend his mage, when Merrill peeked around the corner with Varric and Hawke in tow. “Oh, Fenris! You’re already here? Are you coming with us to Sundermount? Hawke promised to speak to Keeper Marethari about the arulin’holm so we can fix the Eluvian.” Merrill bounced as she spoke, one hand gripping her staff, the other tapping on Hawke’s bicep, sharing her excitement.

Garrett shrugged. “You’re welcome to join us -- the more the merrier?” Fenris began to shake his head as Hawke spoke and then looked at Anders.

“The mage is not well.”

“He has such a smooshy tushum!” Anders blurted. “I want to bury my boopy button in it!”

Varric could stay silent no longer and let out the loudest guffaw Fenris ever heard. “Oh, Broody, he has the mumbles.”

“The what?”

“An old Rivani curse, but in potion form. The mumbles. It makes the drinker blurt out absurdities for a day. It’s harmless,” he explained. His eyes watered with mirth as Anders tried to pinch Fenris on the rear.

“Smooshy tushum!” Anders repeated.

“He’s like a child,” Hawke pointed out. “What could happen?”

“What did he mean by boopy button? And smooshy tushum?” Merrill looked genuinely confused, her large eyes watering with grief. “Hawke, will he be alright?”

“Maybe we should stay home today? See Marethari tomorrow?” Hawke asked her, kissing her on the head. “Can you wait one more day to fix your mirror?”

Merrill stepped closer to Anders and patted him on the head. “You will be fine, lethallin. Fenris will care for you.”

“I will do nothing of the sort!”

“Please, Fenris? He can’t be left alone like this,” Hawke pointed out. “What if he tells the carta he wants their noogily nibnumbs?” 

Fenris flattened his ears against his head in irritation. “Stop mocking the abomination!”

“Looks like you volunteered, Broody,” Varric said. “We’ll douse the lanterns on our way out.”

“Smooshy tushum!” Hawke roared with laughter as they closed the doors. The clinic was silent except for Anders’ fidgeting. 

“Can you communicate at all, mage?” Fenris asked finally, sitting down on the cot next to the healer.

“Of course, winkywum boopy bunbun.” He said it with such irritation that Fenris surmised Anders was just as frustrated with the situation as himself.

“Can you still heal?”

Anders’ hand lit with healing magic and he cocked his head at Fenris, as if asking for permission. Fenris nodded and Anders ran his hand down Fenris’ arm, soothing the lyrium channels underneath. He repeated the process on the other arm, then took both hands in his. 

“Beautiful wiggily wumwums,” Anders murmured, before unclipping the gauntlet on his left hand, then his right. “Can I snoodle your wiggily wumwums?”

Only his mage could make nonsense sound so erotic. “And then?”

Anders continued to remove pieces of Fenris’ armor, kissing and nipping at the exposed skin and soft leather. “I’ll bury my boopy button in your smooshy tushum,” he hissed, taking one of Fenris’ ears into his mouth and sucking. Fenris let out a low growl. “Yumello, Fenris,” Anders said calmly, reaching around to Fenris’ front to deftly unlace his skin-tight trousers. 

“And you wish to spend the morning and afternoon on this… snoodling of smooshy tushums?”

Anders’ mouth quirked in a grin and he began to descend to Fenris’ waist. “Snoodling is just hamello.” His voice was velvet and warm, even when speaking nonsense. Fenris placed his hand on the top of Anders’ head and guided him over his cock.

“I believe we speak the same language, mage.”

**Author's Note:**

> This exists because of my two lovely OTW staffling friends and Team Elvhen Thighs members, Cryllia and Alamerysl. After hours of laughing and losing our minds, this had to happen. So here it is, in all its elvhen tushum glory.
> 
> The nonsense in this fic is because of this graphic: 
> 
>  

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[PODFIC] of Snoodling the Smushy Tooshum](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9291749) by [Bad_Idea_Drunk_Thats_Worse_Sober](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bad_Idea_Drunk_Thats_Worse_Sober/pseuds/Bad_Idea_Drunk_Thats_Worse_Sober)




End file.
